Am I a Knob?
One click. Definitive answer. Zero spin.
yes
One click. Definitive answer. Zero spin.
After 47 years of rigorous scientific research and over $2.3 billion in government funding, our team of internationally renowned knobologists has developed the world's first definitively accurate knob detection system.
The algorithm analyzes over 12,000 behavioral data points, cross-references them with historical knob patterns dating back to 1823, and consults a proprietary database of known knobs spanning 147 countries. The results speak for themselves: 100% accuracy rate across all test subjects.
Our peer-reviewed findings have been published in The New England Journal of Knobology, Nature: Behavioral Knobometry, and The Lancet: Studies in Advanced Knobbishness.
Our patent-pending KnobDetect™ technology employs a multi-layered approach that has revolutionized the field of knob identification:
This technology has been certified by the International Board of Knob Standards (IBKS) and is compliant with ISO 9001:2015 knob detection requirements.
We take your privacy as seriously as we take knob detection. Unlike other knob assessment platforms, we employ military-grade encryption to ensure your knob status remains completely confidential.
What we collect: Absolutely nothing. We don't track, store, or analyze any personal data whatsoever. No cookies. No analytics. No nonsense.
What we do with your results: Nothing. Your knob assessment exists only on your screen for approximately 3.7 seconds before being permanently erased from all known dimensions.
Third-party sharing: Zero. We have never, and will never, share your knob status with anyone, including governmental knob registries, international knob databases, or your mother.
Our commitment to privacy has earned us the prestigious Golden Padlock Award from the Privacy Protection League for twelve consecutive years.
Have questions about your knob status? Our team of certified knob consultants is standing by 24/7/365 to assist you.
Emergency Knob Hotline: 1-800-AM-I-KNOB
(Available in 47 languages including Esperanto and Klingon)
Email Support: support@amiaknob.today
(Please allow 6-8 weeks for a response as all emails are personally reviewed by our Chief Knobologist)
Postal Inquiries:
KnobDetect International Headquarters
Suite 404, The Knob Building
123 Definitely Real Street
Knobsville, KN 00000
(Please note: We do not actually check this mailbox)
For general feedback or to report suspected knob behavior, please consult your local knob authorities or simply click the button again.